Get Off The Road

I have been dying to write about this subject for 20 years. Now that I finally have the avenue to do so, I’m not sure what way I want to approach it. Do I poke fun at all the stupid things people do on the road, or do I point out the legitimate issues that face all drivers today? I guess I will do a little bit of both. At best, I hope to bring light to some obvious things that people do, in hopes that they will actually start to realize what affect those things have on other drivers. Before I do, I will take one shot at the system.

Stop handing out drivers licenses like they are free tickets to the zoo. With four weeks of training, I could teach my 4 year old to pass a driving test. #1: Stop at a couple stop lines, before the line, of course. #2: Do the speed limit. #3: Parallel park, which I don’t know how 90% of you passed that part, based on what I see out there. #4: Do a 3 point turn. That’s it? You must be kidding. That takes all of 12 minutes. You go down quiet roads and into empty neighborhoods to do these things. That isn’t real world driving. I’m surprised the test doesn’t take place in a parking lot, with cones and speed bumps. How ’bout this? I know that unless you live in the sticks, the Department of Motor Vehicles is almost always within a mile of the highway. Why don’t we make people get on it. You know, go down a busy street, through a couple lights, and then merge into traffic that is moving at 65 miles per hour. If you can handle that, then you deserve a license. Otherwise, come back when you can. Maybe then we would have drivers on the road that actually know how to DRIVE. Let’s face it, the reason the test is so easy is because the more people there are on the road, the more money the state makes. I could rant about that kind of thing all day, but it’s time to talk about the drivers.

The most obvious issue first. If you are incapable of multitasking while driving, then get off the road. I would love to get all high and mighty about not doing anything distracting while driving, but we all do it everyday. Yet, some of us manage to still drive properly. The difference between the ones who can do it and the ones who can’t can be summed up in one word. “Priority” If you are on the phone, eating or texting, and those things are more important than the driving, than pull over until driving is your priority….please. Proper operation of your vehicle should ALWAYS be the most important thing.

You should not be in the left lane on the highway if you’re not passing anyone. Moreover, you are not the speed limit police, so stop trying to prevent people, who want to travel over the speed limit, from doing so. All you’re doing is pissing them off, while simultaneously paying less attention to your own driving. My remedy for this is, when I finally do get by them, I get in front of them and take my foot off the gas. This creates a slow deceleration of my car, which eventually causes them to change lanes. This usually happens around the time my speed gets below 40mph. Once they move over, I continue on my way. Just my way of getting even, ’cause life is a game and we all keep score, don’t we? 😉

If you don’t know where the hell you’re going, get off the road. These people are terrible because they’re literally not paying attention to anything around them. They’re going 25 in a 45, looking around at signs, trying to read directions, and changing lanes or stopping without even looking. Who does this? Seriously! News flash, dumbass, you don’t own the road. Best solution is to lay on the horn, in hopes that they wake from their Lewis and Clark coma.

If you are making a turn, use your blinker and for crying out loud, move to the side of the lane in the direction you’re going. There is nothing more aggravating than some moron, who is turning left, but is in the middle of the lane, preventing anyone from going past him on the right. This is another example of a driver only paying attention to themselves. Arguably, the biggest problem on the road today.

If there is not a sign saying “no turn on red,” then turn, bozo. Furthermore, if you are on a one way road, and you come to an intersection that is also a one way road, and that road is going right to left, it is LEGAL to turn left on red. Know the rules of the road people. That one wasn’t on the stupid 10 question permit test was it? What? You mean I should actually read that whole book they gave me? God forbid!

This one is a little off the subject, but enough with all the handicap parking and permits. I’m not saying eliminate them, but come on. If you can get around the mall for an hour, you don’t need a front row parking spot. As a matter of fact, you don’t even need a handicap permit. Seriously! Stop handing these things out to every person with a limp. It’s ridiculous. In addition, you need to start coming down much harder on those who abuse the plate. If a member of your family uses it, you lose it for 1 year. PERIOD.

Back to the driving. Unless you have a clutch, keep your left foot on the friggin’ floor. I HATE 2 FOOT DRIVERS. How the hell is a person supposed to know when you are really stopping when your brake lights never go out? This is one of the most fundamental rules of driving. Stop doing it. Now.

Using your blinker does not mean I HAVE to let you in. It is merely a way for you to let someone know that you need to move over. I may not see it, or you may be driving like an asshole and I don’t want to slow down to let you in. Either way, you need to wait until you can safely change lanes. Again, you don’t own the road.

Although I could probably do this all day, I will leave you with this. Concentrate on your driving, before anything else. Pay attention to what is going on around you at all times. Know where you’re going. Get out of other peoples way, and know the rules of the road. Otherwise, just stay home or call a cab. Hell, call me. I’ll show you how to get from A to B with ease, and without upsetting the other drivers around me. It’s really quite easy.

Published by jwc

Just my thoughts on whatever has my attention.

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